‘Sleep tight’ ... right!

It’s 3.41am as I start typing this random middle of the night blog post. So obviously why wouldn’t I be covering the topic of sleep and sleep deprivation?


Since I was a child I’ve never been a great sleeper, now don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of it, just not greatly used to it!


As I’m awake tonight I think about all the other millions of people probably awake right now and thinking ‘oh for fuck sake!’.


Sleep deprivation seems to have shape shifted through the years for various reasons for me. As a child an early bedtime just left me pumped and full of energy, as a teenager I think it was more hormones and existential crisis as I sat scribbling ‘emo’ verse, as a young adult it was ‘Wade’ and all the things he had left to do; then for years it was my dreaded debates with the ceiling about all my woes that I’ve written of so many times. Now you ask? Now it’s just because I really fucking love sleeping and my minds being belligerent as shit!


I seem to drift off pretty easy after my long days then 2 hours later I’ll randomly awake. If it’s not laying here considering all I have left to do, then it’s something weird like ’what shall I cook tomorrow?’ Or a weird repetitive rendition of ‘the man that got away’ pulsing around my head for absolutely no reason at all.


My relationship with sleep would most probably be categorised on Facebook as ‘it’s complicated’.


Sleep, I’ve tried to work with it in many ways over the years of our long, tiresome, loveless marriage. I feel I’ve put the effort in to work out what makes us happy but got nothing back! It’s truly like we got married and deprivation is the bitter ex that won’t sign the divorce papers.


Im sure many of you will recognise the following list, or maybe I’m just a lunatic;


1. I gave sleep endless amounts of meditation but now he just cackles at me when I attempt the zen zone. My eyes shut to take in the sounds, my breathing regulates to create a romantic, sleepy mood. Then the voice in my head finally gives in and goes ‘Motherfucker, have you seen yourself’? Then I realise I’m in my late twenties and I’ve been ‘Zen Zoning‘ for years without much luck.


2. Getting up and walking about for a bit. Yes, because I love mindlessly pacing when I’m insanely tired. Then I get that surge of ADHD energy and it’s like my pacing then just made me want to do fucking cartwheels down the road.


3. Soothing sounds of rain, thunder, white noise Etc. obviously this one must work? No! Soothing sounds make my brain think odd things. The sound of rain just fills my bladder, thunder makes the dog trample on my face and cracking fire sounds make me think I’m a child sat around the campfire in ‘The Fog’ (Film) listening to that strange old man tell his ghost stories, and wondering why he was left alone with far too many young children?


4. Wearing an eye mask and waking up each time with the momentary shock that you may have gone blind!


5. Ear plugs- the silence is too much!


6. A milky drink before bed? No, lactose (though I don’t consider myself intolerant because i like cheese too much), upsets my stomach.


7. Counting backwards equals fucking boring!


8. Counting sheep? Refer to step 7.


9. Writing a poetry- takes me back to everything I shouldn’t have done and said in my life.


10. Playing a game on my phone- Yes usually, and the results for sleep aid are poor!


11. Reading a book? I don’t want the light on.


12. Lighting a candle. Yes, regularly, and each time I ask am I getting ready for sleep or for a seance?


13. Progressive muscle relaxation... Then I ask myself why I’m going to so much effort for something I feel I should just be given!


Just a fee cliche terrible ideas there.


But sleep, it’s so universal but for many so difficult to obtain. Our minds, bodies and lifestyles are so 24/7 now that it’s a wonder anyone can grab an adequate amount of the Z’s.


Its meant to be soooooo healthy for us, yet trying to get it causes so much stress! So by the time you’ve stressed out and finally got to sleep, maybe the damage is done?


How do you fall see asleep?


Do you have any rituals or top secret methods to share?


Often people say to me ‘you look tried’, yes Arthur, yes I do! It’s the tiredness see?


Edgar Allan Poe once said ‘sleep those little slices of death, how i loathe them’, well Edgar, I’m glad you had so much to constantly be awake for! I don’t loathe those slices Edgar, I love them!


I feel they'd be most beneficial to my productivity.


Feel free to to share your ideas guys!


W xXx











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